Beautifully Different

We are SO close to being done with our dossier, the paperwork for Ethiopia. Once it is completed, they will send it to Washington DC, and then off to Ethiopia! We will then OFFICIALLY be a "waiting familiy." It's so funny because I feel like all have been doing since March is "waiting," on things. But, this kind of waiting seems different. It's more like waiting at the end of an airport terminal. You know your person is coming soon. You will see them soon. You will watch them walk out of that terminal. You just don't know where in line the person is. All the previous waiting seemed so endless. There wasn't a light at the end of the tunnel. At least not one that was in sight. We knew there would be eventually, but now I feel like we can see it!!

I was talking to a good friend the other day who has also had biological children and chose adoption. We were laughing at some of the "waiting" similarities. I remember being pregnant for Maya and becoming so emotional about anything to do with children, babies, and even animals! All those sad commercials on t.v. would pull at my heart strings like they never had before. I blamed it on my raging hormones.:) I also, like most pregnant women, went through a nesting stage. I wanted everything ready and clean for Maya's arrival. I needed everything packed and in order. Planning was SO fun! And if you know me at all, you know I made endless amounts of LISTS! Every day we get closer to a referral and a child to hold, I feel some of these things starting again, and I have to admit, it's a good feeling. There are so many things that I was worried I would miss by not carrying my own child in my belly. (we carry our child in our heart instead.) But I have begun to be emotional about things again. I cannot hear a sad story or watch ANY of those horible infomercials on t.v. about abused pets or hungry children without sobbing. I am also feeling very protective of Maya, almost like I can feel that things are about to change for her and I am worried about how she will react. I want to protect her from any uncertainty. I can also feel that our time as we know it together is going to change as well. It will never be just the 3 of us again. On top of that, I feel nesting setting in. I have had this urge to cook and clean, and prepare again. Lists are everywhere!;) It's just funny to me how although my body is not necessarily preparing, my mind and heart have taken over to prepare me for another child.

I have begun to understand little by little that although this process is different, it is no less amazing and wonderous. Just because something is different than you are accustomed to, doesn't make it any less beautiful. Different is not always bad, just different. And different is beautiful too.

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