The Call

I have been questioned lately...a lot.  People always want to know why.  Why did you choose to adopt?  Why don't you just have more of your "own" children. (one of my personal faves)  Can't you have more children?  Do you want more biological children?  Why Ethiopia and not America?

I know the majority of my friends and family ask b/c they genuinely care...and I really appreciate that!  I don't want people to feel they cannot ask questions.  I am not afraid to answer questions from people who ask out of love.

So, I thought I would just take a quick minute and answer some of these questions.:)

Q: Why did we choose to adopt?  A: Why not adopt?

Q: Why don't you have more of your own children?  A: I am...all of my children will be my "own" children.

Q: Can't you have more children?  A: Yes, I am going to have more children.  I might not give birth to them, but they will be mine.

Q: Do you want more bio kids?  A: Maybe, if that is what God calls me to do.

Q: Why Ethiopia and not America?  A: There are millions of orphans all over the world. No matter where they are from, they deserve families.  Our hearts and souls were pulled to answer the call in Africa.  I cannot explain it any other way.

I know people do not mean to be offensive most of the time.  But I am in this.  Every emotion in me is being tested every day.  I have invested my entire being into this process.  So when people question my motives...it makes me feel they think I am making a mistake.  You don't get this far into a process without thinking it through.  Trust me when I say, we have thought this through.  We are 100% aware of what we are doing.

A typical marathon is roughly 26 miles.  On the last mile of this race...people do not question the runner or ask him or her why she is doing this.  Nobody tells the runner to turn around or questions their motives.  They stand on the side and cheer, yelling words of encouragement.  This is what we need right now.

Everyone is called to do certain things.  And most of what God calls us to do is HARD.  Sometimes we choose to listen, and other times it takes a lot of persuasion.  We are afraid to do something that will require a lot of us...something hard.  My life has been pretty easy for the most part.  I can say with certainty, an orphans life is waaaaay harder than my life will ever be.  So I am choosing adoption.  I don't need anyone's approval, or even understanding.  But it sure feels good when I have it.:)

Care Package

I am so excited to be sending our lil man his very first care package from Mommy and Daddy!  I got him 2 pairs of pajamas and a cute baby photo album that we filled with pictures of us...his new family!!  Now, I know that at 4 months old, it may seem silly to think he will know who we are.  But it is more than that.  Just to know that something from us is finally there with him is a comforting feeling.

I had a hard time last night out of nowhere when I was looking at his picture, which is currently my screen saver.  My stomach dropped because it all of the sudden hit me that he doesn't have his mommy right now.  I mean, this seems obvious, right?  But I started to think of all that it means.  I remember when Maya was a baby.  She needed me for all of the necessities of course...feeding, changing diapers, bathing, getting dressed, etc.  But she needed me for so much more than that too.  Andrew and I were her everything.  We held her, kissed her, hugged her....we met her emotional needs just as much.  She knew who we were and felt comfort and love in our arms.  She felt safe with us.  I am sure our lil man had that too at first.  But then...he didn't.  For the past few months he has been depending on the women, the nannies, in the orphanage to meet his needs.  I am praying that they meet his emotional needs as well as his physical ones...but I just can't help but think it's not the same.  There isn't that one "mommy."  I am so scared that he feels lonely...and I know that we are going to have to gain his trust and teach him how to depend on us when we bring him home.  We will do our best to be his everything too...it may take time...but we will be there the whole way.

I do have the peace of mind that God is wrapping his arms around him every day, and every night.  He is, after all, Gods child to begin with.  I also had the pleasure of speaking with a couple families who have recently traveled to the same orphanage our son is at.  They have had nothing but good things to say about the nannies there and the level of care the children receive.  It sets my heart at ease a little.  I know they are holding him and snuggling him for me.

So until we can go to him, we feel so blessed to have other families traveling who are willing to bring him little  gifts for us as we continue to care for him from afar.  Please join us in praying for our little baby...

MY CUP RUNNETH OVER!!

4:43pm on Friday, October 5, 2012 was the moment my heart almost exploded with joy.  It went something like this:
"Hello?"
"Amy?"
"Yes, hi."
"It's ____ from your agency."
"Oh, hi, how's it going?"
(this is the part where I was worried something was wrong b/c I was not expecting a referral for a few more weeks and couldn't let myself get excited yet)
"I'm calling with the call you have been waiting for...."
(me sobbing and laughing uncontrollably)
"Sweet!"
(yes...I said "sweet."  I have no idea why...or where it came from...but that was my choice of words...)

She proceeded to tell me the best news I could have asked for.  They had a beautiful, healthy, 4 month old baby boy for us...he was going to be MY SON!  It was more than I could take.  She gave me lots of details...and thankfully also told me she would be emailing me all of it, since I would no doubt forget everything she said to me during that call beyond...."we have a child for you."

It was so surreal!  I paced around the house, my hands were shaking, and I couldn't stop smiling as the tears poured down my cheeks.  This was the news I had been waiting to hear.  I just couldn't believe it actually happened!  I was going to have a SON!

When Andrew got home, we opened the email together so we could see our sons face together for the first time.  He is perfect.  He is beautiful.  He looks healthy!!  His cheeks are so round and his eyes just pierce my heart.  We love him!

And now..........more waiting.  We wait for a court date so we can plan our trip to go meet him, to hold him, to kiss those chubby cheeks!  I will pray that the next month goes by quickly!!  Man, I am going to have to stay REALLY busy!  But for now, I can't stop staring at the picture of this smooth skinned beautiful boy with eyes that melt me to the core.....

On Pins and Needles...

I am on them right now...pins and needles that is.  September was a month full of yearning and hope.  Yearning to hear about progress and of new faces moving to Jane's House.  Hope that the courts would open up on October first, and referrals would start coming again.

We moved up to number 5 at some point throughout the month, which was amazing.  I remember starting out on the list at number 22 and moving up 12 spots in just 2 months!  It was so exciting!  Then we were hit hard by the realization that we were not going to get our baby as soon as we had anticipated due to the rainy season and court closure in Ethiopia.  The next few months droned on as we moved only 4 spots in 4 months.

But as we sit, a little antsy, in number 5...I finally feel like there is a light at the end of this tunnel!  I am currently waiting to get the September updates from my case worker...have we moved up?  I don't think so. But I know there are good things to come...and maybe soon!!  I was informed last week that there are 3 infants at Jane's House right now waiting to be referred.  With only one or two families ahead of us waiting for an infant, this was music to my ears!  Could my son be there right now as I type this??  I pray that he is.  I pray that there are women there who are loving him, and holding him, and telling him it won't be long now.

Mommy and daddy are waiting for him.

Praying for him

At the end of August, we were still number 6, which means we didn't move up since July.  It was a little rough, but at the same time, we kind of expected it.  At the beginning of Sept a referral went out which moved us up to number 5!!  It's hard to believe we started at number 22, and now there are only 4 families ahead of us!!  As we are getting closer to meeting our son, I am reminded that prayer is so important during this time.

It's so easy to remember to pray for our journey...but we often forget we need to pray for our son's journey as well.  The thought of adding a child to our family is so exciting and makes us so happy.  But I need to remind myself sometimes that although our journey began almost 2 years ago, his journey is just beginning.  His journey is one full of loss and grief, and possibly physical or emotional trauma.  As we are gaining a family member, he is losing family members.  This is a part of adoption that that many people forget about.  In order for us to gain a son, someone is losing one.

I often have wondered along this journey, has my son been born yet?  Where is he?  Is he safe?  Is he being loved?  Is he hungry?  Is he with a family or in an orphanage already?  These are not easy things to think about.  They leave me starving to know him.  Every child's adoption story is different, but I have rarely, if ever, heard of one that begins with smiles and joy.  So, whatever circumstances lead up to my son having to lose his birth family, I hope and pray that God is wrapping his arms around him, and the one's who are possibly struggling to give him a better chance at life.  As we get closer, I sense that this is a tough time for those on the other end of this journey.  I hope and pray that they are blessed and comforted by the peace only God can give.

So if you're reading this, please pray not only for us and our journey, but for him, and his....

Things are slow

The courts closed on August 16 due to the annual rainy season.  They are expected to open back up sometime in the first couple weeks of October.  Things have been pretty slow this summer.  There were no referrals for a whole month, which was difficult.  However, things are expected to start moving along again soon.

We had originally hoped to have our baby home by the end of this year.  We have since come to grips with the fact that this probably won't happen.  But we have faith in God's timing, as hard as it is sometimes.  I know that, much like other things in our life, everything happens for a reason.  It is all part of a bigger plan.  I am very thankful for Maya and Andrew who have made this journey bearable.  If it weren't for the two of them, I would have had many more meltdowns.  Andrew has been my rock, always going with the flow and rarely being shaken by the process.  Maya has been a light through it all.  She keeps me smiling and busy every day.

We will receive our September updates at the end of the month.  I am praying for more referrals to go out this month so we will move closer to getting ours!

May updates

At the end of May we had moved up to number 10 on the wait list!!!!!  That's 6 more spots in one month!  We are so happy about our progress on the wait list and eagerly await what June and July may bring!  The wait is getting harder as we get closer to a referral...but I know all the emotions of this wait till be erased when we get that phone call and finally see our baby boy.

As for now...I wait by my phone and hope every day that it will ring with good news on the other end...and try to be as patient as possible.:)